GLUM MUMS | 20 inconvenient truths about giving birth


Since our beloved CB is ready to give birth any day, the three of us thought we'd share musings about the inconvenient truth they call giving birth.

1. Most hospitals won't admit you until you're 4cm dilated, so be prepared to be sent home if you're not (some women make several trips over a few hours or days) - even if your contractions are coming every few minutes.

2. You won't get any pain relief until you're admitted either so you'll be stuck with paracetamol, tens machine and if you're lucky a back rub or two.

3. And they can't give you gas and air until you're at least 6cm dilated, regardless of how much pain you're in.

4. You will probably swear - a lot!

5. The midwife may change a few times depending on how many shifts your labour covers

6. That calming music you chose so carefully may make you want to smash your ipod against the wall!

7. Hypno what's that now?

8. You won't want to sit on your birthing ball, you'll want to get on all fours and cry

9. Very few of the pain relieving tips you learnt in your pre-natal classes will enter your head once the contractions start in earnest

10. During the pushing stage you will wish you'd done more of those yoga squats!

11. If you're taking too long to dilate you'll probably get kicked out of that lovely relaxing birth suite and onto a ward

12. The pain is indescribable, like nothing you have ever or will ever experience

13. If you have an epidural you might end up looking like the elephant man afterwards with a swollen and droopy face (temporarily of course). Not great for those post-birth photos your partner is so keen on taking!

14. An epidural will also make your feet, ankles and possibly legs swell up to twice their normal size

15. Every man, woman and their dog will get to see your lady bits up close and personal - but you'll hardly notice

16. Your birthing partner will be so freaked (but hopefully good at hiding it)

17. Post birth if they are short on beds in private rooms you may be chucked on a ward with loads of screaming children and not allowed to leave

18. There will be at least one militant midwife who, if you are having trouble breastfeeding, would rather your baby lost weight and went hungry than give them formula.

19. If you have to stay in hospital overnight you'll find yourself suddenly left alone with your baby when they make your partner leave at 8pm when visiting hours end

20. Even though you're exhausted and in pain, you'll still somehow find the inner strength to wake up for your newborn when he/she cries.

Of course this is by no means an exhaustive list! Please do add your own experiences in our comments section.

RL / LN / CB xx

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