GLUM MUMS I Mumma got the hump


Today I'm going to have a moan. It's about decent maternity wear. Or more specifically, the lack of.

I purchased my first pair of maternity tights complete with cute little panel for impending bubba. I ordered some Emma Jane tights for a purse friendly £8.00, on I got these in LARGE, namely because I AM LARGE.

Since waddling to work this morning I've spent at least 15 minutes tugging them up over the bump - almost as high as my pendulous breasts. They're riding down on my bottom (bit chilly today too), and sliding down over the bump. And worst of all I have a saggy crotch; I know the inevitable will happen - but not just yet, please.

Secondly - Mat wear. Seriously - I don't care how many of you offer it - who are you designing it for - the Scouts so they can all camp out for the night? Or in some cases, the homeless? As let's be honest here, some offerings are so tent-like you could house a whole football team under one of those puppies. Us women want to still look effeminate without looking like a house. Please bear this in mind.

So another gripe. Jeans. Mat jeans.

How the hell are you meant to wear them, up high over the bump a la Simon Cowell? 
Or are they meant to sit under the bump, as when I've opted for that option I've spent the day trying to cover up the crack of my ever expanding bottom. I had a nice soft pair from Asos, which fair enough look fine (I'm still in size 10, I thank you) but where I've tugged, and pulled and grappled with the blighters all day long I've actually pierced a hole in the waist band!

As for Topshop - what are we, midgets? The ankle swingers I've purchased from there are just as bad - and clearly designed for the dumpiest of us – (no dissing if you're under 5'4 girls, I'm just about pipping over the post) - but seriously, are we destined to join the Willy Wonka clan as soon as we're impregnated?

The last of them was from Primark, well they're so uncomfortable - the 'skinny' jeans that cost me a penny pinching tenner, pinch me more so than anything I've ever worn. After removing them - I had lines indented in my swollen legs, bottom, ankles - they are ANYTHING but comfortable.

So there we have it. I'm off to design my own....

LN xx

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