babyurbeautiful

The sun is out - the holiday is booked - so what's the one thing missing?

A TRUNKI for the kids!

Thanks to our friends at Trunki, we have a fabulous giveaway consisting of ONE fabulously bright and beautiful 'Gerry the Giraffe', resplendent in yellow and funky brown giraffe print and worth £40! So you won't lose 'em at the airport!

All we want from you is  to a) tweet us @babyubeautiful your one holiday essential to keep the kids amused/happy/occupied/well/satisfied - pram or nappies or basics don't count! Feel free to add in Trunki too - who will also retweet your entry.

My essential?
Play Doh for the plane - it keeps them occupied for hmm, al of 15 minutes?! But still, it's a great handbag essential to whip out if all else fails!

We need you to follow us on twitter and/or instagram - both gives you bonus points: babyubeautiful (u not ur)

So follow us asap and enter! BABYUBEAUTIFUL xx

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Having spent a lot of time with my friend who has recently been through a miscarriage (her second) followed by intense IVF, that subsequently failed, I really feel her pain.
Not indirectly from the above, but the way people treat her situation.

Do you remember the scene in SATC Movie 2 where Carrie and Mr Big are sat at Stanford & Anthony's ostentatious wedding and a couple at their table ask when they intend to have kids?
'It's just not for us," Carrie says.
'So it's just going to be the two of you?" the female says, her voice dripping with pity (I'm not quite sure this is the exact quote, but something along those lines and she was definitely patronising and disapproving).
But what if it wasn't 'for us', and that was just a facade.
It wasn't. But what if?

Imagine if Carrie was one of those mothers feeling a failure and judged for having to resort to IVF (obviously there is absolutely no reason to feel that way) and had retorted; 'Actually you nosy bitch, we've been trying for the  last five years. I spend practically every day looking at babies, praying that one day I'll have one of my own, and now you've gone and spoilt this evening for me - mazel tov!'

*downs G & T*.

What I'm trying to get at is that we've all fought our own battles to get to motherhood and don't need others judgement on top of that.

Some have it easy to conceive, yes, but then they're the ones who probably spend the entire nine months honking up, or with cankles the size of Hilary Clinton (soz, Hils). Then becoming irascible old moos while inhaling prawn curries slopped over chips to ease the sickness - because that's normal to feel better, right?
It would be nice to think that was their penance for falling so easily - but every one of us has been tested along the way regardless of conceiving, pregnancy, bump or child and it's never cool to be jealous, right?

Prior to my son, I miscarried. I lost the plot, I became a recluse. I eventually met someone new - and he was born a year later. Obviously it was all too soon for us - because we're now separated. I didn't even know I had fallen with him, and when they say it's when you're most relaxed or not thinking about it - well there we go.

As my gin friend I formerly refer to forgoed her favourite past time in favour of fresh mint tea (I thought it was only fair I join her and quite frankly think we've both had a skinful of it now).
I watched her body put into an early menopause to produce the healthy, strong eggs she needed. Her already ample bust ballooned, night sweats ensued, tears, anger, frustration followed - and there was nothing I could say or do to make it better.
But through it all, she had so much time for everyone else, including me - and children, and kept a cool exterior throughout. I became fiercely protective.

Why do we fight our motherhood battles alone? Why don't we open up and stop all the awkwardness and bashfulness - it's a painful and uncomfortable subject whether someone wants or can't have a child, but the likelihood is, you call out to one of your sista's - she'll holla back.
It's something we can all resonate with -  every single one of my new found friends had experienced miscarriage or IVF - even both. For those idiotic few who are so wrapped up in their own pregnancy  - perhaps our honesty of what we're going through would put paid to the ignorance.
It's so easy to be caught up in a baby bubble with all the excitement. For you, it's just a picture on Facebook, for someone going through IVF it's a knife through the heart each time.
She's very open about her journey - and how it's on hold for a while. It's intense, people need to know why you may not be yourself at times.
Like I said before, there's nothing to be ashamed of - it just seems every else makes a big meal of it.

A few weeks ago we spent a day with her rosy-cheeked earth mother chum recreating a bus scene; by this I mean lining up seats in the middle of a cafe in front of everyone while she (the friend) jovially bellowed wheels on the bus. I begged gin bud not to see her again, or at least for a while - for my own sanity too.
I'm surprised she didn't cry, because I wanted to out of sheer embarrassment.

Then come the invites for birthday parties with the side note of: 'But I can imagine you don't really want to come to a children's party as you don't have any of your own.' For FUCK sake, least said, soonest mended, eh?
A social event is a social event - they're a really nice couple so would feel as comfortable dancing to a Take That tribute band with cheap chardonnay as they would to Peppa Pig, some party rings and some fizzy pop. Why just presume it's NOT their scene? It always has been and always will be - with or without child.

The two of us sat through a meeting the other day, a heavily pregnant woman chatting about herself and hypo-birthing yada yada, her perfectly coiffed chelsea blow-dry, tan, bump, cashmere clothing - then she looked us both up and down, found a middle ground with me as I have a two-year-old. But my friend? I am sure she guest-i-mated her age as mid-thirties, asked her if she had kids, then automatically filed her into the 'doesn't want them' and Carries-wedding-guest-friend reaction and carried on wittering to me. I was FURIOUS.
Again, an ignoramus presumptuous idiot - which resulted in me apologising on her behalf as we left the coffee shop (thank fuck she paid for our fresh mint tea).

Why is it SO hard to ask someone you know is going through IVF - are they ok? How is everything - what have they been up to? It's ok they won't make you feel uncomfortable and start wittering on about they've had more prods pokes and pricks than Helen Wood (Rooney's bit of strumpet/BB Bitch) in the last month. But likelihood is they'll appreciate you're thinking of them, if they don't want to talk about it - they certainly won't.

I remember a few years back when a colleague was going through IVF - there was salacious gossip stirring around the office like it was some dirty secret - and I felt terrible for her. She's the one laughing now - she has three beautiful boys.

So next time you ask someone childless how their dogs are, realise how insular you sound...

No rabbits, hymns or mouthwatering Easter chocolates for me.

The only jesus I was involved with was the one I cried out each time I checked the thermometer - and that was every, ooo, two seconds?

This is a random post, but hopefully helpful - because I panicked when I realised my little one had the highest temperature I'd ever seen - 41.6 at its worse.
I'm not a shit, thoughtless mother leaving him to suffer - I called the NHS helpline 111 constantly - but as everyone and their dog seem to have some sickness bug/virus - unless your finger is hanging off - and even then you'd still have to wait - you've got less chance of getting an appointment than Peter Rabbit shitting chocolate eggs.
I took him to the doctor who brushed it off as a sickness bug/virus and that was that.
He only said 'no' for the last five days, and didn't walk about at all. It was horrible.

It started with sickness - it's ended up with average temperatures between 39-40 and me staying in for  five days. Yay.

So here's some top tips if god forbid, the lurgy comes to get you.

DRINKING

They won't be eating, they'll be off milk and really fussy.
Apple juice. What a saviour. Just like you would have Lucozade to build your strength up, give your little one a sugary, sweet number to make them feel slightly human again and give them some energy.
The doctor actually advised this by the time I got around to visiting him, when it was mothers instinct anyway. Boom.

SYRINGE

On a drinking vibe - if they're not drinking and refusing water, milk, even apple - yet they'll take medicine (Calpol, Ibuprofen etc) why not trick them, and syringe some fluid into them.
So that my son didn't get dehydrated, I made a mix of water and dioralyte (rehydration drink) and managed to get 3/4 5ml syringes down him, followed a little while later by apple juice. I felt happier knowing he had accepted some fluid.
On any empty stomach medicines are rendered useless because, well, if you have an empty stomach they'll just come back up. Or there's the likelihood your stomach will over produce acid, which ends up being painful on its way along.
When I'm ill I refuse the aforementioned, along with fluid - so I'm not surprised my son is as stubborn as me and just wants nothing.
Syringe the fluid in - it's the way forward and will give you peace of mind.

ICEPOLES

Wow. This literally saved us. Albie was refusing all food including crisps and chocolate - which any right minded kid would normally snaffle if wafted in their face.
To cool him down my initial thought was a juicy orange or lemonade lolly,  my good friend Astra suggested ice poles and I recoiled in horror (E numbers). I was wrong.
It was the ONLY thing he took.
If your child has a respiratory virus they'll feel snotty, rotten with a sore throat - so think something soothing. Melon also did the trick. You could freeze some if you prefer to go down the healthier option - but doctors orders - sugar is needed.
After no movement at all, he suddenly sat up and slowly ate one, then another a few hours later.
The sugar hit, although I wouldn't normally do, gave him some energy.
He cooled himself down with TWO, yes two - who am I to argue? He was then bouncing off the walls but woke up the next day with a ridiculously high temp.
As he was so exhausted he slept through the night anyway, but as the flu/cold part of the virus came out towards the end - I spent two days up and down with him all night.

HAND SANITISER

I'm totally grossed out he's been snotting and sleeping in my bed, I've stripped it all back and I feel a bit more relieved. I've aired every single room - and sprayed dettol spray on everything (including my pillows!) Hand sanitiser is a must for everyone after every sneeze, splutter and sickness - just keep washing, washing and more washing. No brainer really.

READING

My little one did NOT move for 5 days, just laid on the bed, the sofa, in someone's arms. It was heartbreaking to see. They need to sleep to power up - so constant wittering whether you, the tv, or someone singing will help calm them, entertain them and send them off to sleep. It really fills you with confidence of how interesting you are but hey ho - it's not about you it's about keeping them happy.

COOL SHOWERS

Cold compresses aren't a great idea - they can make the temperature drop too quickly so your child will struggle to regulate. It's best to keep them in cool clothes, but warm under a blanket or bedding.
At the end of the day, or start of the day give them a nice tepid shower. Whenever I feel shit - I love a bath or shower to blast it out. Same as your little one. Mine spent a good 15-20 minutes turning himself around/sitting down and enjoying the calming sound, refreshing feel of the water - it cooled him down.

CUDDLES

No brainer - it's all they want.

Over & out.



LN